I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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