he wants to bone in the snuggie
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
