They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize