Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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