While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
