I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
