i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
my god I love twenty year old dicks
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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