Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
