So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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