There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Randomize
