She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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