Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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