Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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