Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
