What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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