that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
