Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
