He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I think my moral compass just broke
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