Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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