Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
