I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
