the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
