this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize