Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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