i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
