hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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