He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
