I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize