I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
