my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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