There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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