My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm getting married
To pizza
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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