hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
