We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
