i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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