I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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