I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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