hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
