2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
