is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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