How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize