I could have mohawked her pubes.
even my farts smell like vagina
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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