so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
