I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
