Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
