is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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