I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
