Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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