So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Randomize
