Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
