So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
i now understand why vodka
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
