I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
