I swear she didn't look like that last week.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize