just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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