I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
