I like my sex mixed with concussions.
he puts the penis in happiness.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
