You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
