His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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