he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
