What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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