I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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