So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
