yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
