It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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