GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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