OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
