96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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