recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
