Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
